Senzu Beans

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Growing up with Dragon Ball and subsequently Dragon Ball Z, or rather just thinking they were awesome at a grown up age and marathon-ed them to hell, a viewer always has to wonder, where do I get a senzu bean after a long night of partying to restore my energy to maximum.

Well that question is quite easily answered; first you must obtain an immortal talking cat. Korin, the feline subject, hailed in our Z fighter world as “The God of Martial Arts.” This may be because he is ever so cute and fluffy, but I always believed it was because he did very little to help most martial artists in Dragon Ball and most people did not believe he existed until we met him, unless you believe that Korin worked in mysterious ways, which may be viable.  When Goku , our main protagonist, met Korin, after scaling his tower, he refused to believe that this little cat could be ‘the god’ that the people down below spoke about. Korin sure showed him by making him run around in circles for a few days chasing him (like all good cats do) in an attempt to obtain the “Sacred Water,” which was supposed to make the speed and power of the drinker to increase. This water turned out to be tap water and it was all the running around chasing a little white cat that made the drinker stronger. Oh, and this tower that he lived on, was called Korin’s Tower. Very creative kitty, but I guess then no one should expect much creativity from a cat. Trying to subcontract this article to my cat ended in disaster so I suppose I should not expect much from an immortal cat. He also carried around a sweet walking stick, which could have no other use than hitting people with as it is too large for his little arms. Before you get racist and wonder why this Japanese cat always had his eyes closed, it is because the artist of manga based Korin after his own cat, which would only stay still when sleeping and the artist could only draw non-moving animals.

Any who, this fluffy white cat grew some of the most magical plants in the universe: senzu plants. These plants produced the famed senzu beans that were able to allow the one who ingested one of the beans to be completely healed of recent damage. Yamcha, a handsome thief in Dragon Ball and a useless character in Dragon Ball Z, was able to regrow a hole in his torso after an amazingly short battle with Dr. Gero when he had recreated himself in an Android image. This battle both shows the amazing power of the senzu bean and also how useless Yamcha is. Yamcha was so useless in DBZ that the image, pictured here became a meme to show how hilarious it is when one fails after biting off more than they can chew. The senzu bean usage became common place in DBZ that even idiots like Yamcha was allowed to have one even though he clearly should have just stayed home, but machismo made him do stupid things. And by machismo, I mean trying to impress women because hiding with the old, women, children, and pig man is not impressive.

These magic beans were able to show the extent of one of the over-arching themes of Dragon Ball and later Dragon Ball Z. Goku would give senzu beans to not only his friends, because friendship has to be a theme in anything coming out of Japan that gets dubbed into English, but also to his enemies. Goku did not believe in pity as you might think, but rather he wanted to become the very best, the best there ever was (or at least one of his sperms to be the best there ever was, seen in the cell saga.) Goku would give away the senzu beans just to be able to show that at his best and at his enemies best he is still better. This theme of trying to be the best at something is great because it inspires kids and adults to try to excel at something. After gaining nerd powers, one might discover that Goku was actually cheating most of the time. This is because that Goku was of an alien race, the Saiyans, and his alien race actually increased in power after being severely damaged. This means that every time he used a senzu bean, not only was his energy restored, but he increased his power every time. Goku did not do this intentionally (as he is a lovable moron) as seen when he gave one to Vegeta, who is also a Saiyan, during their first encounter battle, giving the same effect to Vegeta and himself. Although, Goku was accidently using the senzu bean to increase his energy; however, this does not take away from the theme of challenging oneself achieved by self-improvement.

Even though, I have been speaking about these senzu beans as if they were mass produced, I must inform you that they were not. Korin, the Z figther’s cat pal, is between 800 years old, give or take thirty years, during the events of the two series, and it can be assumed he had been growing the senzu beans for at least 600 years. Only he could grow the senzu plant, which can be attributed to either magic or that only he knew the correct environment for them, such as being grown at a very high altitude. Each harvest would only yield about ten senzu beans, so over 600 years or so, he must have plenty of beans, correct? Unfortunately this is not so, because as with all good things, there is a douche bag in our midst. This dick hole goes by the name of Yajirobe. Yajirobe is a fat martial artist who senses his uselessness far before Yamcha; he does not trying to keep up with Goku’s power levels and becomes a senzu bean delivery boy. Yajirobe is such an asshole because the minute he gets up Korin’s Tower, he immediately starts eating as many senzu beans as possible. The senzu bean is meant to keep a human being fed for ten days; when Yajirobe begins to eat them, he instantaneously gains at least a pound for every bean he consumes. After this first meal of magic beans, you would guess he would stop eating them, but he is later seen eating them by the handful again. When Dragon Ball Z reaches the second to last saga, it is seen that there are barely any beans left and it is assumed due to Yajirobe as he is the only one that is ever seen abusing them.

Sorry, there was no dog to help cook this week. I figured that an immortal cat would substitute admirably. However, false advertisement does suck. I discussed the food, so here is your dog:

This clip shows how the writers were exhausted at the end of the series, with Buu, the pink man, as an antagonist and also how comic relief characters are lazily named Mr. Satan, but also how Australians are the worst.

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